It’s been years since I’ve been able to attend a wedding in our family, so when my cousin’s wedding fell on my first weekend in India, I jumped at the opportunity. With school holidays strictly dictating when my parents and I could travel to India, we’ve had to miss out on many festive occasions. Nonetheless, my parents and I have traveled to India every year to visit grandparents, uncles and aunts, cousins, and other relatives. Since my parents grew up in India, they are the ones that have the closer connection to everyone we visit. And while it has always been important to me that we go see everyone, my personal relationships to these family members hasn’t been close. When I went away to college, one of the things I learned about myself was that my Indian culture and family were a stronger part of my identity than I had consciously realized. Keeping this culture alive, learning and improving my knowledge of Malayalam (our mother tongue), and forming bonds with my family that don’t rely on my parents to facilitate conversation became life goals, goals that I hope to commit to even while concentrating on professional or career focused goals simultaneously.
Arranging everything to attend this wedding took the help of many, but by the end of the weekend I felt like I had proved to myself that my extended family wasn’t family only through association to my parents. They are my family too. I stayed two nights in an aunt’s home, and on the day I arrived, we spent most of the day together looking at photo albums, going out to lunch, and getting ready for the wedding the next day. She told me how happy it had made her to have me stay, and she commented that even though I had seen her almost every year since I was small, we had hardly ever spoken more than a few words prior to this weekend. It’s true, it has always been very easy for me to tag along quietly. I’ve grown up in a different way and my Malayalam is very limited. But as I thrust myself into a weekend of meeting, visiting, and staying with different family, I was pleasantly surprised by how good it felt and how quickly a new depth to these relationships could develop. Even in just a few short days, it was heart-warming to see how much love they could show me.
Weddings are of course a special day for the bride and groom, but especially in India, weddings are more of an excuse for a huge family reunion. In one big reception hall, so many people, from so many cities, come together. It’s a bit of a mental exercise to keep everyone straight and to remember how each person is related in the family (this relationship is important because it determine how you address each person), but I’m getting the hang of it!
The wedding itself was lovely and everything went remarkably smoothly. The night before, there was a party in the bride’s home, and we all had a good laugh when the bride’s mom’s brothers hit the dance floor. Weddings can be chaotic and stress-inducing, but it was nice to see everyone relaxed and celebrating. The next day, I got to see my first Malayali Catholic wedding, and I wore my first saree! I still remember wrapping myself in my mom’s dupattas (long decorative scarves), pretending to wear a saree as a child. The full sized saree is a bit trickier and my stride length had to shrink down a fair bit, but I didn’t unravel so I’ll call it a success! The bride and groom gracefully handled the exhausting experience of taking endless photos with all the guests and standing for hours on end, all with beautiful smiles on their faces. Nileena Chechi (the bride and my cousin) looked elegant and stunning, and was probably the most relaxed a bride could ever be. I was impressed! Her and her husband made a very sweet couple and I wish them nothing but the best on this journey they are taking together.
In general, Indian weddings are festive, a little tiring, and all about family. This wedding in particular was all those things and more- it felt like my right-of-passage into the family.
Below are some photos of many of the family members who made this weekend so special.
