The past couple weeks were an emotional roller coaster. On the one hand, I had a lot of experiences that reminded me how lucky I was to have met so many incredible people. But on the other hand, they made for some pretty tough goodbyes. As I approached my final day in Myanmar, I began to realize how many people I had grown attached to, which caught me a little off guard. Given the nomadic nature of the life I’m living, I usually know the goodbye date from the minute a friendship begins, leaving me cautious about investing too much. But at the same time, living in fear of goodbyes and shutting people out isn’t a sustainable way for me to live. Balancing the impulse to want meaningful relationships with the self-defense desire to stay detached is continuously challenging, but I know for sure that I would rather find it difficult to leave than feel like I could leave without batting an eyelid.
As I reflect on my time in Myanmar, work brought me in initially, but by the end I had built an entire life. Over these five months, I lived a life full of new experiences, created a sense of belonging, and surrounded myself by people who inspire me. It has been difficult to pinpoint my exact emotions around leaving, so I want to share a number of smaller stories that together hopefully capture why I felt so attached.
Over the course of this year, I have tried to push myself to be more outgoing and more willing to say yes to new experiences. Knowing I’m in each place for a short period of time helps build a “seize the moment” attitude, given that I don’t know if I’ll have the opportunity to visit a place or see certain people again. At various points during my time here, I went on trips to incredible places, and not only did I love the thrill of exploring, but I loved the friendships that were given a chance to flourish in the process. Prior to coming to Myanmar, I would have been hesitant to go on trips with newly made friends. I considered travelling together to be a sign of an already well established relationship. But after taking the plunge and embracing some spontaneity, I realized that all the trips I took with people I didn’t yet know too well were how I created some of my fondest memories and greatest friendships. The last trip I took in Myanmar was to the western coast, a tiny beach town north of Gwa. A large group of us piled in a bus and set off to celebrate Louisa’s birthday, and despite favoring smaller social settings, I got myself excited about a last hoorah with many of my closest friends from Proximity. The weekend was filled with ups and downs, but with a ukulele and some silly masks, we used singing, dancing, and laughter to keep our spirits high. Even after the bus repeatedly broke down, we ended up piling in the back of a truck, and it took six extra hours to reach the beach, the moment when we all ran into the ocean and frolicked under the stars was absolutely perfect. After a beautiful weekend, some freak events on the way home made me realize how much certain friendships had impacted me and how painful it would be to not see these people again. If I thought detaching was going to be easy, this weekend was a reminder that the connections I’ve formed are unforgettable.
I had my fair share of adventure and loved it, but when it came to leaving, I felt a particular attachment to the smaller moments that left an impression. At work, I love that my day is broken up by silly banter among my colleagues and that we know each other’s quirks. Whether it’s having someone come by to talk through some ideas with me, or whether it’s someone asking if my engineering knowledge extends to fixing a broken charger (it does by the way, my years of soldering came in handy), it’s comforting to feel integrated into the lives of those around me. My day in the office was always more than just official meetings or projects, and those in between moments, the un-photographed and un-glamourous moments, made my days feel complete. Outside of work, I was very lucky to have made some friendships that were playful and silly, forming a small, crazy family. Some evenings we got together and cooked dinner, which involved some chopping of vegetables, some pan frying, and copious amounts of jokes, dancing, and side-splitting laughter. One particular night, we decided to have a pajama party. With the amount of food, sheets, pillows, and mats we brought over, it looked like we were moving in to Blanka’s living room permanently. We crafted a sleeping area for the four of us, indulged in wine and cheese, had our customary peanuts and lime soda, and talked for hours. To end the night, Bridget Jones’s Diary was the feature presentation and we giggled our way to sleep. In the morning, we made some experimental banana pancakes and hatched a plan to have another pajama party somewhere else in the world, just so that we could watch the sequel. A slumber party might sound childish, but it made me feel like my life was full. In all aspects of my daily life, without being fancy or dramatic, these simple yet special interactions gave me a sense of belonging and reminded me how much I value all the people who helped define my experience in Myanmar.
Coming to Myanmar changed me in many ways, but especially in how I view my place in the world. From my friends to my colleagues, I was continuously inspired by the choices people make, the life they are pursuing, and the backgrounds they come from. Whether it was from someone involved in human rights advocacy or a self-taught engineer, the stories I heard were eye-opening. I connected with people from all over the world, who shared different perspectives and experiences and taught me about myself in the process. I met people who are pursuing their passions and making career decisions that I respect deeply. And I found new role models to look up to and ask advice from. Suddenly, I had the sensation that the whole world is within my reach, with boundless potential and opportunities. Not only did coming to Proximity open a lot of doors for me, but it gave me a taste of moving to a new country for an exciting opportunity and figuring the rest out from there. It wasn’t always perfect and I certainly faced many struggles, but overall the environment at Proximity pushed me to dream big and be bold. I’m still a bit overwhelmed about how this mentality seems to present endless directions to follow and makes decisions continuously harder, but these are the struggles I am excited to face.
Whether it was friendships that had developed over the entirety of my time here or sprung up in the last instance, I can’t offer enough thanks to the people throughout my time in Myanmar who made it so hard to leave. Despite the freedom, the adventure, and the magical experiences that make this lifestyle incredibly enriching, the goodbyes never get easier. Sure, I’m happy to be done with Myanmar visas and immigration, but I can hardly believe that I won’t be seeing many of these incredible people for a long time. My next step has taken me back to my native place in Kerala, India where I plan on immersing myself in family, language, and culture while taking a break in between longer projects. I’ll share more about these plans and what follows as time goes on. For now, as I say goodbye to Myanmar, I want to end by remembering the moment when I got off the phone with Louisa last September, pondering the idea of moving to Myanmar in a few weeks. I can’t tell you how glad I am that I said yes.
The first three rows are from my trip to Gwa. The first row shows us in some of the various transportation scenarios, with Louisa and I on the right.
The second row shows the beautiful beach, the fire pit construction, and the sunset dinner set up.
The third row shows Fiona and I doing sunrise yoga and the haven we created under the trees.
The next row and the cover photo are from Blanka’s birthday picnic and our trip into Happy World, Yangon’s favorite amusement park. We forgot candles so Blanka had to blow out imaginary ones, and I’m not a fan of rides so I took photos of them instead!
The next row is from the surprise party for Blanka that we held later the same evening. From us scrambling to get the candles lit when she knocked, to her surprised face, to our shared love of peanuts, I’m glad these great memories were captured.
The group photos is also from the surprise party, where we first took a normal family photo and then had a bit more fun.
The next photo is from my send-off dinner hosted by the Design Team. If that wasn’t sweet enough, they also all signed a card, gave me a photo mug, and the guys bought me a beautiful longyi. Very sweet way to say goodbye.
Finally, a photo from my farewell dinner party with the pajama party crew. The chaos sums us up quite well.
