“I am an engineer.” I have said these words often over the past few years in interviews, cover letters, and all forms of personal introductions. While it has been logical to say these words, my degree is pretty good justification, I didn’t necessarily believe their meaning to be real. I never questioned that I would always be a problem solver somewhat addicted to puzzles, but I somehow didn’t feel like an engineer. Part of this has to do with how engineering is commonly defined and stereotyped, and also because of how I came to study engineering in the first place. In my head there was always a distinction between “doing engineering” and “being an engineer.”
I chose to study engineering because it was a good fit with my academic interests and skills and because I had always loved puzzles and problem solving. But I was never the child who was constantly building things, taking things apart, coding, or learning robotics. All through university, even though I lived and breathed engineering, it was easy to compare myself to people who seemed like born-engineers and feel like I wasn’t one of them. For a while I just assumed it was because I hadn’t yet taken that one, magical course that would make me fall head over heels. But by senior year, I had tried out many forms of engineering and while I liked some more than others, no subject had really lit me up. Meanwhile, my passion for impact driven work became overpowering. Even though I was committed to the idea of mixing this passion with my engineering skills, I felt incompatible with a typical engineering job.
Over the past couple years, I had periods of almost no engineering and periods of intense product design, but less exposure to building anything too technical. In the process, I realized that active and hands on problem solving were must-haves in my longer term career, but I feared that going too deep into the engineering would take me away from aspects of working abroad that I fell in love with- going out into the field and understanding the user, being surrounded by people who had diverse world perspectives, and feeling the tangible impact of my work on developing communities.
Joining Okra was me giving engineering a second chance. I began to observe how it felt to be back in the deep end. On the surface, I was thrilled to bring my technical skills with my career passions together. But deep down, a part of me was anxious to see how I would do as an engineer, to see if circumstances could exist that would make me love engineering.
The last few months went by in a flash. My section(s) of the desk became a full electronics workbench. My computer usually has many terminal windows open and a few Okra circuit boards plugged in. There are batteries, power supplies, and tools scattered everywhere. Even if internally I’m overwhelmed by the complexities of embedded systems engineering, I can be confident that I always look like a pretty convincing engineer. Initially it was an uphill battle to have entered the project midway, as far as attempting to understand the existing tech architecture while simultaneously trying to debug or add features. As I got a bit more comfortable, I sunk into more complex layers of the project and found myself uncovering concepts from university engineering classes that I had definitely hoped never to see again. Surprisingly, using these concepts on my own, in a context that mattered to me, wasn’t as dreadful as I remembered. Nonetheless, sometimes days go by where I feel incompetent and trapped in a cycle of debugging. A recent incident came from me trying to debug some firmware that was executing too fast to use normal debugging methods, so instead I resorted to triggering LEDs to signal different failure points. I nearly went insane decoding these flashing LED patterns and chasing that bug, but it’s also moments like this where I see how determined and stubborn I am when it comes to problems I’m trying to solve. And when I finally succeed, I realize how good each step forward can make me feel.
All the ups and downs of being back in the thick of electronics engineering seem to be motivating and engaging, but the ability to visit the field and see our work in action is the periodic boost that supplies my underlying validation and drive. From the trips to the field where it’s sweltering hot, to the trips where things don’t go as planned, to the trips where things magically work as expected, I always return home filled with a fanatic desire to get our product working as best as possible. There is nothing like seeing your hard work integrated into someone’s life, providing them electricity. And there is something so grounding about getting to know the stories of our users. Some are particularly inquisitive and watch closely as we come in and make updates to the system. Others seem content to watch us come and go, chuckling at our limited knowledge of the local language. They give us feedback, helping us identify their needs and define the requirements for the next iteration of the product. One day I’m doing cutting edge engineering from our workshop/office and the next day I’m on a boat heading to an off-grid community; there is never the opportunity to forget why we’re here.
I don’t know how I finally found this ever evasive combination, but my environment, my team, and our purpose have finally aligned to draw out the engineer within me. The way my mind has been relentlessly captured by the challenges I’m working on and the pride I have begun to feel when I call myself an engineer are new sensations to navigate. As a consequence, I’ve been more focused on this aspect of my identity than any others recently, but finding this confidence was worth pouring all my energy into. It was a high probability guess to go into engineering 6 years ago, but what a relief to finally, truly know that my guess paid off.
The first photo is from Vishu, the New Years festival my family celebrates. This was the first time I set the lamp and offering on my own, and I felt very grown up. I even cooked a couple traditional dishes and did the ritual of waking up before dawn to light the lamp.
All the following rows except the last one are from a recent trip to Vietnam! My team decided that I needed to get out and go on a holiday, so they booked me a ticket and sent me on my way. A very strange way to take a holiday, but I came to appreciate it.
The first two Vietnam rows are from Ho Chi Minh City. Of course, I had amazing Pho, and wandered into all kinds of glorious cafes, sometimes tucked away in old, run down buildings.
The second row is from the War Remnants Museum. This was an extremely emotionally heavy experience. Learning about the war and its effects from the Vietnamese and international community perspectives was very eye-opening and heart-breaking, but I’m glad I could give it the time and energy it deserved.
The next 5 rows are from wandering around Hanoi. I loved this city, drank too much coffee, and had amazing street food. There were so many random little streets to wander down, I could have continued exploring for days.
In both Hanoi and HCM, I reached out to some friends who then put me in touch with their friends still in these cities. I felt so lucky to receive such amazing hospitality from people I had never met, and was thrilled to have some local experiences, away from the tourist routes, in both cities.
The last Vietnam row is from a quick trip with my flatmate Carla and her friend, out to Halong Bay. It was a tourist machine which I didn’t love, but we did have some lovely views out on the water.
The last row is from back in Cambodia. The first shot from another field visit, and the remaining are from a hackathon I helped facilitate through Impact Hub. Always great to be exposed to other great work going on in this city!
