While I find it easy to get lost exploring and meandering down memory lane, I often try to shift focus on the present and future. But coming on the end of the year has brought on waves of reflections, memories, and a whole host of emotions. It feels cliche to be nostalgic around the holidays, but I confess to have indulged. Bear with me as I try to sort out some high level reactions to an intense and inspiring year.
Professionally, this year has felt like a dream. Looking back to last year, right before New Years and right before I would join Okra, I was lost, struggling to identify my career path, and my self-confidence had fallen. But the year kicked off with moving to Cambodia and joining a team that changed everything. What we lack in traditional stability, we make up for, and exponentially more, in vision and absolute passion. Sometimes we’re too in the weeds to step back and see it, but this year was monumental. From zero to a hundred, metaphorically and literally, we took ideas past their concept stage and are flying into the New Year with dreams and plans so big they’re terrifying. And despite all the craziness, I’ve simultaneously never felt so steady regarding my purpose and motivation.
Since high school, this is the first year I’ve spent in the same place, in the same home, with the same people. In perfect contrast to these consistencies, the job changes daily, the challenges we face change as we grow, and our vision for what we can accomplish expands with every hurdle we overcome. It’s not necessarily glamorous when you’re having team discussions about how many weeks you have left before the money runs out, but our collective belief was unwavering and sharing that kind of bond with a team is unlike anything I’d experienced. Now, to be transforming our ideas and prototypes into large scale solutions, is the ultimate reward.
2018 was a big year professionally, but personally was still filled with plenty of ups and downs. I made the choice to invest my heart and soul in my work, which resulted in both immense fulfillment but also a lack of direction for other exploration. And when I did wind up with some downtime, it became increasingly harder to figure out how to relax or treat myself. With the exception of getting substantially stronger and discovering a love of cooking for friends, I went through several extended periods of not knowing how to stop working. I’ve made some incredible memories with my team members who have become a family to me, but occasionally I still sank into loneliness and longed to be surrounded by the powerful bonds of old friendships. Speaking on the phone with these people sometimes has the effect of filling me with joy and making my heart ache simultaneously. Natasha and I created amazing new memories while visiting each other in our respective countries, but we had the least time together this year of any other year in our relationship. And even though distance doesn’t stop us from growing closer, there are still moments of harsh disappointment when we can’t be there to show our love in person.
As the year has come to a close, the lack of holiday atmosphere made me miss my childhood rituals and anticipation around this season with more sentimentality than I have ever experienced. I used work as a distraction this holiday season, but I couldn’t ignore the downsides of living so far away from friends and family. Nonetheless, I became extra appreciative of any random moments of closeness and kindness that I experienced. Even after living this lifestyle for a few years, I still struggle with unmet expectations around holidays, birthdays, or special occasions. I am trying to focus on my memories with loved ones, regardless of the calendar date, but learning to navigate traditions and define new concepts of celebration is an ongoing process.
Despite the constant feeling of not getting to see certain loved ones enough, this year I was lucky to get some bonus time with my parents. Marking their first-ever visit to a city I’ve moved away to, my parents visited me in Cambodia for a few days, giving me the chance to share my world out here. From surviving the heat at Angkor Wat to hanging out with my team to gorging on tropical fruit, it made me endlessly happy to see them excited and eager to experience everything. I’m beyond immersed in this life, and bringing my parents into it was very meaningful.
I can’t adequately capture how important this past year was for me. It was a turning point for me to find career direction and fall madly in love with my work. I formed relationships that changed my life, challenge me, and support me. The year flew by in a blink, and that is only indicative of the constant motivation and excitement that propels us every day. And now, as we step into 2019, I know I can dream even bigger. I’ve still got more reflecting and goal-setting to go through, because even in light of a really special year, there are aspects of myself that I need to push, develop, and work through. I proved to myself that my determination is strong, and now it’s up to me to decide how to channel this, across more than just my professional life.
In all my trips down memory lane this past week, I realized that I began this blog 2.5 years ago. What started as a whim became the longest personal project I’ve committed to, and I could never have predicted how much I would treasure this entire process. I am so grateful for everyone who has come along through my stories, put up with my lifestyle, and supported me so deeply. The people I love the most are scattered around the world, but all that distance aside, their love means everything to me. Through all the difficulties of not being with each other and missing special moments, I can’t wait to make more memories. I’m sending nothing but love and laughter to you all, here’s to the New Year. Let it be a grand adventure.
We put our first big productive appliance in the field a few weeks ago. These photos are from the installation and unveiling of a massive freezer, powered by Okra.
During Clean Energy Week Cambodia, Okra represented in many ways. The first row is from a presentation I made at a business innovations talk, almost 300 people showed up! The second row shows Affy talking about his role as a founder and entrepreneur, and our live demo that we showcased at the final event. The last photo is from the hackathon, where we proposed an Okra challenge and mentored teams.
Most of the team got together and took a last minute trip to Vietnam! We traversed a good part of the country and the spontaneous, no-planning approach worked out splendidly.
These two rows are some night shots from Hanoi. The first row, center image is of an amazing electric flutist playing on the street.
The next groups are a bunch more Hanoi photos. In the night market, you see endless shirts with various fruits, commonly bananas and pineapples. Louis and Lakena pose in one of many excellent coffee stops. The coconut coffee is my favorite! The last few rows are of many street views that caught my eye, from street musicians, to french colonial architecture, to massive spice markets (the cover photo).
Last but not least, the most epic part of the journey – our trek up Mount Fanzipan. Starting with an overnight train adventure, quick exploration of Sapa, and a very cold motorbike ride to find the beginning of the trail. When we weren’t being engulfed in clouds, the scenery was stunning. The hike was quite challenging, and (almost) everyone raved about the sense of accomplishment at the end. The cable car down (the blurry photos looking out into the abyss) made it seem impossible to believe how high we had climbed.
We had a holiday party! I’ve been really enjoying cooking/entertaining this past year, so I went for a big spread to close out the year. Sovannara got into the spirit at his first Christmas party ever, and loved the Santa hat!
The last two photos are from my parents visiting. It was a whirlwind trip in Siem Reap and Phnom Penh, but I’m so glad they made it.
